I am sitting here somewhat sullenly on this dreary Saturday evening, feeling a wild mix of emotions.
My husband and son are out of town all weekend. It happened to coincide with a huge art open house that I had been looking forward to. So I decided to load up the girls and take them along with me.
We lasted an entire 43 minutes before they were absolutely over it. There was whining and complaining and spilled trail-mix and an overtired toddler. And I had sweat dripping down my back. We were a hot mess. I have spent the better part of this afternoon choking back tears.
I am feeling silly and selfish, with a mix of gratitude and discontentment…a mix of being okay with where I am and desperately longing to be doing something else. It is such an odd place to feel the blessing of freedom and yet feeling woefully trapped at the same time.
I think this experience today was exactly what I needed to remind myself that I am still very much in the throes of early motherhood. And that though this season feels as though it is dragging on for forever, I know that it is truly fleeting. I need to continue making first things first, and try my best to cherish this blessed season.
Because before I know it, I will be wondering where these days went. And I don’t want to look back and have any regrets. I won’t regret putting off a career for awhile longer, but I would totally regret not spending the time with these little blessings while I had them here with me. And if nothing else, today’s outing gave me this wonderful perspective, and for that, I am thankful.
I was wondering how your outing went! Children will be children – and you know how fast this will go and BOOM! They’re all grown up! You will be able to create with a fierce pride and happiness, having so successfully and lovingly raised six kids. Your time will come when you can spend as much time as you want in your art – right now, though, your creativity must be geared toward how you would like to mold these beautiful children God has given you. Your day is coming.